One of the oldest & most popular American myth about divorce is," Don't stay together just for the sake of the children." "If divorce is better for you, it will be better for your kids."

Since 30 years, Americans are using this idea to justify their increasing recourse for taking divorce, ignoring the tragic cost of their kids emotions. However according to the experts these kind of justifications are just illusion and the idea of increasing divorce ,solely depends upon wishful thinking of adults as individual happiness has became the new standard at which the marriage is judged now a days.

One of the biggest troubling picture which is encountered due to increasing divorce rate with growing population is the disastrous effects on children over time. By almost every measure children in divorced families fared worse :emotional problems, early sexual experimenting, dropping out of school, delinquency, teen pregnancy, drug use, occupationally aimless, unable to sustain relationship with someone of the opposite sex ,eroding sense of identity, ability to trust someone & commit themselves.

Now a days, even India is not untouched by the haunting spector of divorce due to increasing inclination towards individualism & inner world of self importance. Recent research shows that Couples in the 25-35 age group accounted for 70 per cent of the cases, and 85 per cent of them were filed in the first three years of marriage. This is linked to the fact that most of the case has complain of attitudinal problems while filing for divorce.

So our main concentration while dealing with the divorce cases should wheather such kind of decision is taken due to cruelity , dessertion, harshness of the spouse or due to the fact that traditionally men are not ready to change their BREAD-WINNERS KIND OF AN ATTITUDE & they are not enough comfortable with the women who is more successful then them.

The first condition is day by day becoming too rare as both men & women are well educated, self esteemed & career oriented people. But if the second condition is the main reason of increasing non compatibility, loneliness , boredom, physical & emotional unsatisfaction between the couples then this must be checked as because if things go wrong at a company, sure people lose money…but if upbringing fails the result can be disturbed and unhealthy people! Or even worse.

So, should the women must go back to their traditional agricultural economic gender role ? Will that would solve the issue & if yes, then are we taking a right justified decision on the women part.

According to me & other experts the answer is NO, as because it's taken hundreds of years for women to reach here & they have aspired to reach here because the traditional 'woman's work' has never got them the respect they deserved. Even the secondary fact is that modern industrial society needs the full hearted contribution of such aspirant women.

So, the only way which is left to maintain a relation, to decrease the divorce decisions & to save our upbringing is that all the dad's has to give equal contribution in parenting , in nurturing their kids so that women must also get some more space to do other important works. And for women the advice is that they should respect their men if they are earning less or are less successful as because both of them has to understand that for a stable long term relation ship and for an efficient cultured up bringing money, ego & success matters has to be kept in lower prioritiese in comparision to love & care.

Nilopher Khan

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